I went outside to mow my lawn this morning and promptly got my lawnmower stuck in a thick patch of brush. Do not ask me why I was mowing the thick patch of brush. That is not important to my story. What is important is that I felt stuck, in fiftyleven other ways, too. I felt physically bound to things. Of course I could have walked away from that lawnmower, but I did not. I stayed there, stuck, for hours. The skies clouded over, and I thought, oh, well, now my luck has taken a turn for the worse. And I felt a drop or two of rain, and that was all. Slowly, my thinking became, hey, I dodged a bullet there, because as bad as it is to be stuck, it’d be worse to be stuck and wet. Then church let out– I live in the house next door to the church’s long driveway– and people from the church craned their necks to see me stuck in the brush. But none stopped, and none spoke to me. And soon I began thinking, perhaps I am not stuck. Perhaps it’s just the lawnmower. And I left the thick patch of brush. But the lawnmower is still there.

Management Academy at NCSU ends today… I’m wearing a full suit. Maybe I will take a picture so you sassy readers can drool over it. (Wait, I only have like two female readers of the new journal.) We did evaluations, which was fun. I like to evaluate things when given ample time and I don’t feel pulls from other constraints. I went off on this one, mostly in a good way. I’ve been really, really ready to get out of classes, because I have been busting my hump, but now that I’m almost done, I do feel a twinge of sadness, because I have learned a great deal here, and I would love to continue to have exposure to concepts like business management, finance, project management, entrepreneurship, etc.

We’re at that point where everyone will say goodbye and promise to keep up with each other, which we won’t do. I’m pretty resolved not to make any of those promises… I’ll keep up with the faculty and the recruiters (well, one of them) more than I will keep up with the participants. Not by desire, but by design.

I’m really ready to go back to work. Oddly, I miss it. I really do. Though I’m not looking forward to all the typing, since my wrist is starting to swell and the carpal tunnel syndrome is not feeling so hot.

Presentation of the business plan today, and as per usual, I felt let down by my group members. Well, not Greg, who really busted his hump today. Just Bethie, who left the financial projections blank because “it needed to be a group decision.” Funny, I didn’t start begging for group consultation when I outlined the first year to get things started. I mean, Jesus, even if the numbers weren’t hot shit, something on a balance sheet would have been stronger than nothing.

Should I really give a damn? No, not really, since I’m not dying for the mysterious prize Russell is dangling. (2:1 it’s a briefcase, 7:1 it’s a Palm Pilot, 100:1 it’s something that I’d need… since I have everything I need.) But fuck, I hate it when an effort has my name on it and it ends up incomplete or undone or just lame when it didn’t have to be.

Blech. I’m in a mood. I don’t know why. It just kinda started mid-morning, and I can’t shake it. I skipped out on the management academy’s field trip to some factory so I could spend some time by myself and listen to music. I tried to convince myself that I would get some meaningful work done on the business plan. I don’t think that is happening.

Reasonably, I have no reason to be in a mood. Things have been pretty fantastic recently. I think I just was way stressed about making sure that things went smoothly last night for classes, and I just feel a little burnt out today. I called Heidi at lunch and she’s in the same mood. We should meet at home and spoon for a while.

Lisa Rainswept just sent me an IM hug. That helped.

I’m fantastically bored by my Operations Management professor, who I think is a dilhole. I’m pretty convinced that you cannot learn as well from someone you detest as you can from someone whose teaching you really enjoy. Come back, Keven Malkewitz! Come back, Gary Palin!

Well, here it is. I initally installed Moveable Type with the intention of using it for calendaring software for DSI, but that didn’t fly. But it just happened to come in handy when I decided to retire Before I Sputter Out, my journal from the IRC.

I’m sad that it’s retired, even though I felt like I needed to do it, just because I really liked being able to see how many people were looking at my journal. I liked that there was so much input from the improv community. I liked… well, I liked all of it.

Who knows? Maybe this journal will become just as important to me.

06-02-2003 06:58 PM
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This Broken Tooth

I’ve had such a hard time finding time this past week to write in you, journal. I only have about ten minutes before I teach a class, so I want to tell you a few things that have me excited.

Last Tuesday: I started my management academy at NC State. I’m there for 5 weeks, learning marketing, accounting, and project management. Wonderful level 1 class that evening. I am most pleased with the prospect of teaching these guys in future classes! Bought new radiator for $351. Stole rocks from roadside for my yard decoration.

Last Wednesday: Heidi and I went and looked at some houses. Nothing thrilling. Lots of mgt academt reading.

Last Thursday: I went straight from class to hanging with Zach to work on DSI stuff. 4 hour dinner turned out some good results. Plans for long range.

Last Friday: Got real pumped, more DSI stuff and a little time with Heidi, to boot. Have not had enough of that just recently.

Last Saturday (May 31): Inside Improv opens at the Inside Scoop. I figure I will want to record some of this stuff for posterity.
• First reservation: Greg Brainos. He sat in the Ice Cream throne.
• First paying customer: Michael Cochran was the first person who intended to pay to show up. It didn’t hurt that his older brother was in the show.
• First host: Corey Brown.
• First performers: Two Horsemen and Senior PGA
• Estimated seating capacity at first show: 28
• Paid customers: 60
• Places to sit by midnight: 0 (I ended up sitting behind the counter on an ice cream cooler after Two Horsemen went on.)
• Places to stand comfortably by 12:05: 0
• First DSI intern: Jen O’Bryan
• First impression: Awesome. I am so stoked to get this going. And we’re gonna keep it growing.

Yesterday: Good practice with Unnamed Practice Group. Anthony King on TNN 8 times in the half-hour that Heidi and I watched. Hooray! I thought several times of his mother, who I am sure is smiling down on him. It’s an oddly somber thought, but I know she would have been so amazingly proud of him that she wouldn’t have known what to say. Looked at house of a friend of mine– underwhelmed again. Stole rocks.

Today: Visited a modest-sized classroom in Carrboro today that will become the dedicated DSI practice/class space on July 1, pending some final negotiations. But we’re pretty confident. Show on Saturday, practice space today. It hardly feels real. But it is.

Heidi’s job is going to require her to work six days a week instead of five until August. Me no likey.

06-05-2003 08:21 PM
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This Beautiful Bruise’s Colors

I haven’t had so much time to write, but when I do, I find myself staring at the screen. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say– I feel like there’s a good bit going on, I’m just too tired to write it down. Or it feels insigificant… but I guess that several days worth of classes and house-hunting pales in comparison to last Saturday.

I’m having a beer with Bill Cochran tonight, which is welcome downtime.

06-06-2003 06:47 PM
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Walked the Edge of America

My sister called today and followed up on my mother’s request for us to drive up to Virginia to spend a few hours “with the whole family.”

What exactly entails the “whole family” is a little something of a mystery to me, since John has three kids, and those three have not been in the same room with me and my sister since before mom and John got married, and then even a few times.

So I always wonder if John feels a little slighted by her “whole family” comments, since I think he does consider me and Mary partr of his family, but my mom seems selective when she considers Nikki, J.P. and Chris part of hers.

Of course, J.P. is a crackhead.

That aside, I snapped at my sister, so that I later felt the need to call her back and apologize. I really thought she was calling to whine at me, which would be poorly timed. I’m in school all day, trying to keep up with DSI and work and failing (work is getting the short shrift, DSI seems to be kept pretty current). Heidi is buying a house and working more than a human should, all of the sudden. Guilt is not working right now.

Heidi just called to let me know that we aren’t looking at the kickass house tonight. Now it’s Sunday. Poop.

Suburbanites filming tomorrow.

Happy birthday, Anthony King and Jack Spencer.

06-09-2003 10:19 AM
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Shit Adds Up At the Bottom

Someone tell me why men are so averse to flushing in public restrooms after they take a heinous dump. That’s just fucking gross, dudes.

Mister Diplomat was born yesterday in practice. Awesome.

I got real drunk and went bowling with Corey and Dana last night. Great fun, not because I am a good bowler (I am not), but because I am the best smack talker in the ENTIRE WORLD!

06-11-2003 01:18 PM
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When the Night Has Come and the Land is Dark

[dream] I was in a desert environment with a bunch of improvisers, mostly New York people that I have seen in shows but that I don’t know. At some point I suffered a blow to the head which upset my balance– every time I would get myself upright, I would invariably fall down, slamming my head into the ground each time. In the dream, I was in pain every time, but I had to keep trying to keep my head up. All of the improvisers I don’t know kept trying to hold me up. [/dream]

I’m convinced the dream is more about balance than failure.

06-15-2003 10:29 PM
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Under a Tahitian Moon

Gonna see Sarah Harmer Tuesday nght! Very excited. About a bunch of other stuff, too. General good feeling.

I like Mister Diplomat practices. I like going to BW-3 afterwards to play trivia games and rack up silly players’ plus points.

Heidi’s ring came back from the jeweler. It looks amazing. We had the band rebuilt, and they made the diamond look spiffy. I see it on her finger and I feel like we’re the most elegant people alive. Then I do something crass, like burp or fart. And I still feel kinda elegant, albeit in a stinky way.

We’re picking Ellen Bush up from her France trip in half an hour. I hope she made the French connection again. She was beaming after last year’s trip.

Business school is great insofar as I needed to learn these concepts, but it makes me a little bit tired.

Ben Hauck is right: the song does rock.

We’re watching Six Feet Under on DVD. I shouldn’t get so excited about TV. It’s resplendent.

Heidi signed the contract on the house tonight. We may be able to close by the end of the month. Guess my hopes for livinig at 1701 Kirkland forever are dashed… I think I’m moving in with her in July.

06-16-2003 07:01 PM
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Observationally Perverse

All these new buttons. I don’t know where to begin. About seven minutes until my last level 202 class begins. I’ve had such a good time working with this group that I’m not looking forward to class being over. But, I am glad that they’ll end up with a different perspective in their level 303 classes. I think it’s poisonous to stick to one person’s view of improv.

The new eels album arrived in my mailbox this afternoon… through six tracks, it sounds pretty good. I’m not sure I as fond of this one as I was “Souljacker.”

I’m social loafing on my project for business class. Pretty badly, really, though in my defense I have volunteered to engineer all of the group presentations, since I feel I can adequately present without much prep time. I am looking forward to b-school ending, I am finding that I miss my job. I really like what I do– this is excellent validation.

Radiohead’s North American dates take them… not really all that close to here. Poo.

06-18-2003 07:04 PM
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Let It Go at Kill Devil Hill

“The more complex the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.”

-Captain Kirk

Yeah, dude, I am watching that episode of Star Trek where whenever they think of something or someone, it appears. And Dr. McCoy has a hot girlfriend.

06-20-2003 09:49 AM
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The Break Was So Loud

Well, GD, I wrote a long-ass entry while I was pretending to pay attention to the interviewing section of my management class, which is entirely geared to people who don’t have jobs. I know that I could use some of this, but they’re talking to the undergrads here.

So, run-down of what I was writing when I lost the entry…. grrrr.
• Heidi and I don’t see as much of each other since I started classes again… I’ll be glad to get back to work in Chapel Hill so we have our time in the car. Sounds piddly, but is good.
• I’m developing an interest in screen printing. I hope to buy some stuff ot put in Heidi’s garage when she moves in… July 4th!
• My typing styles is bass-ackwards but it seems to work for me.
• Picked up keys for the new DSI training center space. Looks nice– fresh paint. Needs carpet cleaning.
• Went out with new pal Traci, who is a recruiter for IBM that I met through the management academy. She’s super-nice!

I hate when I lose a long entry!

06-23-2003 12:15 PM
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Throw It All Away, Start It Again

Well, they say all good things come to an end, and I guess Before I Sputter Out is no exception. This journal has been the source for friendships, discoveries, and epiphanies– I look back at it sometimes in wonder. I never knew when I started that I’d be so happy a year and a half later. I had no idea what all I would learn along the way.

I’m not done journalling; in fact, I am 100% certain that I’ll continue to journal online. Already set up to do so, in fact. But what comes next won’t be available through the IRC, which makes me sort of sad, but exceedingly happy at the same time. There’s just a lot going on in my life that isn’t appropriate to share here any more… I think I have a lot to say about improv that may show up in another journal on the IRC one day.

But part of what was so liberating was that I was writing to an unusual group of strangers whose lives I had peered into. And now, I find that most of the journals I am reading are NC improvisers, and they comprise the majority of the people reading mine. And I find myself saying less and less about what I’m thinking about most.

So, if you’re interested to know where the next journal will appear, just PM me in the next couple of days, and who knows when a link will appear in your inbox. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few weeks, maybe when you finally get off your duff and move to Chicago or New York and make yourself a superstar.

This won’t be the last BISO entry– the rest will all be songs from the journal entry titles.

And to anyone who ever dropped me a PM or e-mail after reading BISO, thank you, thank you so much. You have no idea how much being heard did for me that day.

05-01-2003 05:50 PM
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Have You Lost Your Sight?

Talked a while to Chris Conklin today about how to get longform going in a market where there’s not much of it. I really thought Philly had a lot more going on than it does. Sad.

I’m feeling super-energetic and just generally very happy– that could crash and burn this weekend as I visit my family in Denver. I don’t know why I am so apprehensive about going out there. My rational mind says it will be absolutely fine, but I have this nagging feeling that it could be a trainwreck.

Hate to go this weekend, since I would like to be there for tech weekend of LOBBY HERO. Hard to believe the show starts in seven days. Cool, but hard to believe. I haven’t done much with the show, so it’s not like I feel tremendous affinity for the cast and crew, esp. because I go in there and basically spend the whole time fighting with the stage manager. She’s totally cool, but I wonder if the cast thinks some of it is serious.

I really want to drag her to DSI classes… she’s a good egg with a sharp wit. In the past, I’ve always kinda figured that if you will trade barbs with a total stranger and smile, you’re probably OK to do improv.

Unless I have access to the Net while I am in Denver, my next entry should come on a day when Heidi rides into work with me. How cute is that? I mean, really, how cute is that?

05-03-2003 06:49 PM
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You Gave Me Love

I’m in Denver with my family, feeling a little disconnected because Heidi’s grandfather is deteriorating, and I’m not there with her. Her mom was really upset Friday night, so she was also really upset. I don’t like not being there for her when she needs me. And she didn’t say she needed me, because she probably wouldn’t say that, but she did.

Denver is all right, considering that I’m a little preoccupied. My sister Mary’s current boyfriend seems solid, she lives in a building that is seriously straight out of Melrose Place without the pool and fountain, and Denver is a hip place to be young and single from all I can tell. We toured Coors Field today and Mary and I will probably spend the rest of the evening drinking. (It’s maybe 5:00.) Mom and John are very happy to have that whole side of the family together to goof off with. Mary’s boyfriend Scott is catsitting a wonderful beast who comes over and talks to us.

All three of the shows I was in got accepted to the DCM, so I am absolutely thrilled. Boo-ya, NYC. Plus, I have three very different time slots (9:30 AM– Help Desk, 4 PM The Saint, 6:30 AM UNC Varsity Improv) to perform in. So I’m sure I’ll see some cool pieces of the marathon. Thanks, Mullaney!

I’m thinking seriously about stuff in the future. It’s all very happy stuff, nothing that I’m ready to commit to journal, since people read it, but I think many of you know what I’m talking about anyhow.

05-07-2003 01:57 PM
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Nothing Too Good About It: First You Grab It, Then You Lift It, Then You Pour It Down

I seem to be capable of doing everything but getting a chance to write in my journal the last few days.

Denver ended uneventfully– saw X2 with Mary and her friend Dan, who said all of five words. Stayed up after Mary and her beau Scott went to bed to drink with downstairs neighbor Sonya, who cinched the fact that they live in Melrose Place when she told me that her ex-boyfriend owned the condo next to hers.

Have been in rehearsal every night since returning, and am pleased with how Lobby Hero is coming. It will be an excellent show. With kickass music from an ace sound designer.

Heidi has started work at UNC, and is exhausted with grad student stuff, working, and family stress. She’s an amazing woman, people. Amazing.

Some random pictures:

My first time stepping on a major league field… Coors Field in Denver.

Torrey, ready to fire old men as William in Lobby Hero.

John, who plays a sleazeball cop.

My new arch-nemesis J, the stage manager.

Peter O’Bryan eats a taco today at lunch. Back off ladies, he’s married. (To this IRC journaller!)

05-08-2003 02:33 PM
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A Raindrop

I’m experiencing a serious chill-out this week, when I think about it. I’m responsible enough but comepletely unconcerned, unburdened. Just generally happy.

Had a 2 1/2 hour meeting at DPI this morning in which it felt like we didn’t accomplish much, after a hour-and-a-halfer at NCSSM yesterday where we realized at the end that we’d been talking about two different school years and there really was no issue to discuss. Sometimes I love working for the state. Other times…

Pictures from the NYC trip that I never shared. Liberty!

05-11-2003 12:40 AM
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It’s Like Saint Louis Said

Heidi’s grandfather passed away today, after fighting cancer for several months. The whole situation, from start to finish, has been ugly… Heidi’s uncle is a doctor, but he’s been so unable to deal with his father’s sickness that no one has ever been sure just what’s going on. Heidi’s mother has been the only one who has actively pursued things like the correct diagnosis and the correct medications.

She stayed up with him through the night administering morphine, and said that she prayed for him to die because he was in so much pain.

Heidi and I are going to South Carolina in the morning so that we can be close to her and the rest of the family.

Lobby Hero opened. I’m glad I ventured back to the traditional theater. Not that I have spent much time there, but every time I do, I enjoy it.

Today has been a difficult day for Heidi. For both of us.

05-12-2003 04:36 PM
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Everything is Possible and Nothing is Real

We drove to Gaffney yesterday. I slept fitfully on the way down, figuring that I would drive back.

The general mood was less somber than I anticipated, but then, that’s not atypical, I guess. When you think about it, losing someone so close to you can’t possibly sink in so quickly. It stings a little at first, but you don’t feel the true pain until later.

When Anthony and Bryan’s mom died, I wrote in here about the business of dying, which once again strikes me as completely alien. I certainly don’t have any suggestions about how it ought to be done, but I can’t put a finger on it. The businesslike attitude bothers me. The way we all disappear into death for a few days, and are spit back out on the other end after the funeral, and that’s when it has to become real for someone.

I am exhausted. Heidi is exhausted. She’s driving back down there tonight for the funeral; I’m not going with her. I’m worried for her, just with all the stress. I think we both thought that when the semester was over and she’d started her job, things would be so much easier. Not true. At least, not yet.

We looked at a house Saturday that she might like.

05-13-2003 12:54 AM
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Pull Me Out of the Aircraft

CeCe pulled me aside after class and said she wanted to do a two-person show with a friend and did I think it was a good idea. I told the truth– she has a long way to go to make it happen, but I believe that she can and will get there if she puts her mind to it.

Now, my question for you is: how fucking cool is that kind of enthusiasm and guts? Yay for CeCe.

Jeri Lynn broke her wrists and an ankle in a car accident, so Lobby Hero is delayed for a week while the new Dawn rehearses. Thankfully, Jeri Lynn is otherwise OK, but I know this is going to eat her up. What a total drag.

05-14-2003 04:37 PM
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The Smoke Alarm is Going Off and There’s a Cigarette Still Burning

I am doing a focus group tonight—I’m in a group of consumers that doesn’t eat at Golden Corral regularly. That is to say, ever. I enjoy being a consumer, because I am into consumption, and I’m looking forward to spewing my consumer wisdom at the purveyors of such fine buffet-ry.

It’s been a very unproductive day at work. I played with RossWhite.com a little—added a mailing list subscription option to the frontpage. Talked to Dan Winckler and Lisa Rainswept on IM. Checked in on the in-progress DSI stage. Talked to Jim about the possibility of grad school online (I’ll do it if Jess does it and I can afford it). Read over my improv notes from New York last summer. Looked at installing Moveable Type. Ate lunch with Heidi. Traded barbs with David Parker, who claims he will slice me into thin sections, dry me, and use me as ass-wipe. Sent lots of e-mails to people. For work. But that’s still pretty unproductive… I didn’t get a chance to look at the larger picture today, and that bothers me. The little things keep getting in the way.

I’m going over to the Credit Union to cheer for Heidi as she begins to look into buying a house. Hooray!

05-15-2003 10:21 PM
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One Tremendous Score

People from Norf-Cackalack be all up in the journalin.

That is to say, a good portion of my DSI level 2 class now has journals on the IRC. I wonder if they have made a pact with each other to keep journals. Well, I know that Jen, Pete, and Lisa did; I can only assume that Dave and Nathan followed suit. CeCe had hers a while ago.

Cool.

I just half.com-ed Futurama and Six Feet Under on DVD. We’re nearing the end of the Sopranos so we need something to watch next.

We wasted the evening tonight, and that was OK. Went to Linda’s, went to Wal-Mart (bought Muppets from Space), and went to see Jess’s new townhouse.

05-18-2003 11:36 AM
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How Sacred Love Can Be When Stated

Heidi and I took a bath this morning, and I wrote messages in soap on her back.

Today is a wonderful day.

05-19-2003 12:14 AM
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Adrift on the Air

Heidi is no longer my girlfriend.

I couldn’t tell you this morning, internet friends, but she’s my fiancee now.

We had to tell our parents first.

05-20-2003 04:24 PM
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I Will Eat You Alive

The past few days has been a flurry of congratulations. It’s been crazy in the LEARN NC house so I haven’t been online a whole hell of a lot, and my e-mail and IM have been full of well-wishing. I’m bombarded with the two key questions: how did you do it, and have you set a date? It’s a little overwhelming, even, but I can’t even begin to express how wonderful it is that everyone is sharing our joy right now.

(Jesus, does that sound like a line from a Christmas card, or what? I’m way too jazzed about this idea of “us;” I have been for a long time, but now I don’t feel so silly about sharing it in a public journal. Not that I have really refrained.)

I read through the journal a little bit this afternoon, and it’s really amazing to watch yourself fall in love in print. Silly, silly. But I’m glad it happened in print. When I started “Before I Sputter Out,” I had already sputtered. And somehow, the process of keeping this journal made me more self-aware than I had been in years. I feel like I have rebuilt myself into the person I wanted to be last April 2. Except that I’m engaged. I didn’t really want that last April.

Understand, the marriage thing was not something that I was all that keen on doing. I’ve been pretty anti-marriage for quite some time, owing somewhat to the fact that my parents seem to have made a mess of it their first time around (and my dad, the second) and it hurt my sister beyond belief, to the point where she doesn’t even deal well with men at all because she has such severe issues with our dad. I found the institution to be stifling and horrible and lined with ridiculous expectations. I still ridicule these lame-ass girls who grow up and all they want is to get married and that’s like their single purpose in life (to be replaced with making babies when they finally hook the mate). I still think people who buy wedding magazines when they’re not seeing someone are lame.

But with Heidi, marriage doesn’t feel scary. It’s almost a foregone conclusion, not in that she expects it or demands it, but in that I just don’t really imagine us not married.

We haven’t set a date yet.

05-20-2003 04:31 PM
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Take Good Care of the Poor Boy

Maow.

05-21-2003 10:37 AM
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A Sundrop in the Sky

So, an update on the song titles, by request.

Suzanne Vega, “Bad Wisdom”
Cake, “Comfort Eagle”
Sloan, “The Other Man”
Jawbox, “Savory”
Soundgarden, “Slaves & Bulldozers”
Superchick, “Super Trouper”
Smashing Pumpkins, “Bullet With Butterfly Wings”
Hole, “Celebrity Skin”
Cake, “Satan is My Motor”
Morcheeba, “Otherwise”
Kristin Hersh, “37 Hours”
Silverchair, “Too Much of Not Enough”
Phantom Planet, “Turn Smile Shift Repeat”
Collapsis, “Stumble”
Amateur Lovers, “On the Bus”
Jane’s Addiction, “Three Days”
Metallica, “The Thing that Should Not Be”
Sloan, “I Love a Long Goodbye”
The Connells, “Set the Stage”
Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, “What I Am”
Faith No More, “Caffiene”
Dave Matthews Band, “Crush”
The Breeders, “Oh!”
XTC, “Wake Up”
Sloan, “All By Ourselves”
Bran Van 3000, “Drinking in LA”
The Breeders, “Sinister Foxx”
Ruby, “Pine”
Wilco, “I’m the Man Who Loves You”
Superchunk, “On the Mouth”
Chisel, “Rip Off the Gift”
Kristin Barry, “felt”
Smashing Pumpkins, “Cherub Rock”
Bran Van 3000, “Everywhere”
Throwing Muses, “Say Goodbye”
Bran Van 3000, “Forest”
Collapsis, “Superhero”
Jets to Brazil, “Air Traffic Control”
Dirty Vegas, “Days Go By”
Phantom Planet, “The Local Black and Red”
Fugazi, “Furniture”
The Breeders, “Little Fury”
Soul Coughing, “Soft Serve”
Foo Fighters, “Come Back”
No Doubt, “Ex-Girlfriend”
Dance Hall Crashers, “Will Tomorrow Ever Come?”
Superdrag, “Keep it Close to Me”
Foo Fighters, “Everlong”
Queens of the Stone Age, “Feel Good Hit of the Summer”
The Breeders, “Off You”
Van Morrison, “Baby Blue”
Jimmy Eat World, “Crimson and Clover”
Soul Coughing, “Soft Serve”
Clutch, “Big News II”
Scrawl, “He Cleaned Up”
Midnight Oil, “Blue Sky Mining”
Sarah Harmer, “Coffee Stain”
Cake, “Symphony in C”
That Dog, “Side Part”
The Nightmare, “Riverbottom Nightmare Band”
Faith No More, “Ricochet”
Denali, “You File”
Peter Schilling, “Major Tom (Coming Home)”
Wilco, “I’m the Man Who Loves You”
Foo Fighters, “For All the Cows”
Firewater, “Dropping Like Flies”
The Beatles, “A Day in the Life”
Depeche Mode, “Personal Jesus”
Hot Hot Heat, “Bandages”
Gorillaz, “Clint Eastwood”
That Dog, “Long Island”
Superchunk, “The Question is How Fast”
Fath No More, “Edge of the World”
Bloodhound Gang, “I Hope You Die”
That Dog, “Side Part”
Sloan, “All of My Life”
Liz Phair, “Canary”

That takes me through 1/14. More in a while.

05-22-2003 09:24 PM
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Love You. Mean It. But It’s Never-Ending.

Found out tonight from David Carbonell, who was cool enough to call me, that Richard has cancelled the ZYGOTE, which was my attempt to launch some longform in Raleigh. I’m a little pissed that he announced that he was bagging the effort to everyone else before he talked to me, but he did the same thing when he finally named Bobby the head of the associate troupe, so I guess it should come as no surprise. It’s not a particularly cool way to deal with things.

But not terrible. I had planned to call Richard and ask him to lunch sometime while I am in the management academy in Raleigh this summer and tell him that I was going to pull out of the ZYGOTE and he was welcome to replace me or toss the effort. And I figured he’d say toss the effort, because I just don’t think there’s significant support for it among the players… it’s a shortform culture. And the people who want to do longform, well they know who they are and they rock out. They rock out hard.

I don’t think I am sorry to see the ZYGOTE go. At least not in this incarnation. Richard cancelled it because attendance never really peaked… Choke Up and the Double Feature are the only groups that ever really drew above 45-50 people a show. A lot of people around CWx felt like I dropped the ball when I stopped updating the website in February; I felt like CWx dropped the ball by removing the showtime from the free listings in local papers while NEVER including a link to the website I built for ZYGOTE on its website. The house manager took down flyers for upcoming shows several times and when I made program inserts, they either wouldn’t make it into the programs, or in two instances, were taken out.

I’m proud of what it accomplished, nonetheless… a couple of teams that I think are great came out of it– Toba’s Revenge, Typhoid Mary, the Double Feature, and the LEARN NC Help Desk. I got to play with Destroy All Monsters, which was a big damn deal for me and will remain a point of pride for a long, long time.

So rest in peace, ZYGOTE. I loved you. I’ll miss you. Now let’s go do it over again.

Have you seen the Heineken commercial where Trinity is serving beer in a club, and does her Matrix-ass-kicking-walk-on-the-wall moves when some guy slaps her ass? I really want to see, and really want to like, The Matrix Reloaded, but this kind of shit is making it hard for me. I wrote this in small print to indicate that it’s way less important to me than the end of ZYGOTE, but the fact that I’m even thinking about it at this moment… well, let’s just say that it indicates… I don’t know, something.

05-22-2003 10:37 PM
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Ripple In Still Water

05-26-2003 10:55 AM
________________________________________
This Is Not Human Interest

It’s been a busy weekend! I woke up Saturday and mowed the lawn… and I must admit, I am coming to love working in the yard more and more! Then my parents rolled in, and Heidi’s mom came by.

We took a bunch of pictures, during which I took the opportunity to get down on one knee and present my great grandmother’s ring. I remember it being a beautiful ring– the last time I saw it was when I was eight– but it goes well beyond that. It’s perfect. It’s awesome. It’s exactly what I wanted for Heidi.

My mom also brought, as an engagement present for Miss Heidi, all of my great grandmother’s fine china, which is really beautiful. Unreal.

The five of us went to dinner at Spice Street– swanky!– and then Ruth took off while my folks, Heidi, and I went to see Lobby Hero. It was the first time that I’d seen it with Meredith in the role of Dawn. She was very good– didn’t look like she was recruited into the show two weeks ago. Cast party followed, and Jeri Lynn was wheeled in with pins sticking out of her wrists and her ankle propped up. She was in fantastic spirits, and I don’t think that was just the Percoset.

Good fun at the cast party, which had more food than 20 people could possibly eat.

Ate breakfast with the folks, then they took off. We went to meet Ruth, Heidi’s brother Derek, and his family in Cary. Of course, since Cary makes no sense to any human being, we got lost on Cary Parkway. My car started overheating, and we discovered that the radiator had a leak– two people who wandered by to look at it think the leak is in the radiator… not just a busted hose. So, we got to wait for a tow truck and all that good shit. Infuriating! I was way crabby.

But by the time Derek picked us up and took us back to his house to see his baby daughter, I was in a better mood. A little exhausted from being all crabby and tense, but we had a fine time over there and already had pictures from Saturday’s “engagement photos.”

We got dropped back at my place just before 9, and we headed out to the O’Bryan bonfire, which was good times despite being in a very muddy back yard. We had planned to stay the night but since we didn’t get there before dark to pitch our tent, we headed home not long after midnight and fell into the bed, and slept hard until this morning.

Now I’m getting kissed on the neck, so I’d best end this entry…

04-01-2003 11:28 AM
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The Circumstance Was a Different Kind of World

04-01-2003 05:26 PM
________________________________________
The Agony and the Irony

No one tell Heidi.

Bryan King : hey dude
Anthony King : are you in town?
Bryan King : yeah
Bryan King : i am now Anthony King : have you talked to ross?
Bryan King : about?
Bryan King : he came in at 1am last night
Bryan King : i was sleeping
Anthony King : yeah, i know - he called me
Anthony King : you haven’t talked to him today?
Bryan King : breifly
Bryan King : whats going on?
Anthony King : we talked for like 2 hours last night - he told me he has been thinking about crap for a long time and he thinks he might be gay
Anthony King : don’t tell him i told you
Anthony King : i don’t know if he’s going to tell you
Bryan King : hmm
Anthony King : so he hasn’t said anything to you?
Bryan King : nope
Bryan King : are you serious?
Bryan King : hes with heidi all the time
Anthony King : yeah dude, we hung up about 3:30 last night
Bryan King : hes not gay
Anthony King : was she with him?
Bryan King : no
Bryan King : but…
Bryan King : he was out drinking with people he was coaching
Anthony King : i think he’s going to talk to heidi about it today
Bryan King : where?
Bryan King : make sure im not around heh
Bryan King : acutally im going to leo’s tonight so thats good
Anthony King : i don’t know. he was really weird on the phone
Anthony King : i think he was still really confused about it
Anthony King : and worried about hurting heidi
Anthony King : i’ve kind of always suspected it
Anthony King : so i’m not shocked - but very surprised
Bryan King : leo always makes fun of him by saying it
Anthony King : well, he should probably lay off now Bryan King : well i cant tell leo that
Anthony King : no, let ross tell him
Bryan King : yup
Bryan King : its weird…i thought he really liked heidi
Bryan King : what made him bring this up anyway?
Bryan King : what happened?
Anthony King : i’m not sure. he was a little drunk he said. and he was out without her and decided it was time to admit it or something
Anthony King : i need to call him today and see how he’s doing.
Bryan King : heres my conversation with him today
Bryan King : Bryan says:
wazza
Ross says:
Yo!
Bryan says:
you got in late last night
Ross says:
yeah… went drinking after class
Bryan says:
ahh
Ross says:
yah
Bryan says:
alcoholic drinking on a monday
Bryan says:
shame on you
Ross says:
hehehe
Bryan says:
i saw death to smoochy last night
Bryan says:
that shit was funny
Ross says:
Oh, I need to see that!
Bryan says:
it was on skinamax
Ross says:
mmmm. skinamax
Anthony King : he obviously doesn’t want to talk about it
Anthony King : maybe he’ll be more ready to talk about it when it’s not April 1 anymore
Bryan King : ahh
Anthony King : know what I mean?
Bryan King : yup
Bryan King : people thinking its a joke
Anthony King : people like you
Bryan King : well yeah
Bryan King : heh
Anthony King : but yeah, he’s gay gay gay
Bryan King : so youre the one joking with me
Anthony King : April Fools
Bryan King : i hate you

04-04-2003 02:23 PM
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City Hall All Are Freaks

I’m sitting on Andy Sloey’s couch in St. Louis. I was supposed to stay at Victor Moore’s apartment– I’ve even got the keys, but just ended up walking back here last night since that was easier than bumming a ride to Victor’s, which was out of the way for everyone.

I watched the City Improv shortform and longform shows. It’s cool to come back here and see the guys who were just starting out three years ago running the place these days… they’ve gotten so much better and have stayed really positive through a bunch of shit surrounding the club’s break from ComedySportz and weird ownership changes.

St. Louis is cool. I’m being a tourist– went to the Cards game Wednesday and will go again, and have ended up with an Albert Pujols shirt. Their light rail– MetroLink– rocks. I want to research it. I’m a train geek. Seriously. But just light rail / subways.

As I do the tourist thing, I’ve been thinking a lot about Heidi, who I think gets angry that I would do anything touristy after I told her that I don’t like doing traditionally touristy things, and would also get angry about the fact that I’m in a city outside NC and I have spent the day working from Andy Sloey’s couch. (Have not even gone in search of food yet.)

It’s silly to me that the one thing that’s really caused an issue in our relationship is travel– I think that otherwise, we’re really pretty damn compatible. I know that the issue for me is one of insecurity, and I need to fucking get over it. Simply put, I’m scared that Heidi won’t ever be content to stay in one place, and I’m very big into staying in one place. (This is not to say that I won’t ever move. I probably will. But when I do, I want to feel like wherever I’m going is not a way-station, it’s the destination.) I’m scared that Heidi will eventually find my worldview too small, too limited, and so I make problems for us now because I’m too busy worrying about the future.

I’m frustrated with myself for being insecure. I’m frustrated with Heidi because she won’t do anything (maybe can’t do anything) to assuage that insecurity. Because I feel sometimes like she holds moving out of the country over my head as a threat. And I get so irrationally, so retardedly scared (especially considering that we’ve only been together about nine months, and that’s hardly the time to start worrying about anything other than having fun). I wonder why I can’t just enjoy things for what they are, relax and have fun, and realize that our time apart is usually just as fulfilling as our time together (it is) and that’s what makes the time together worthwhile– that we are different people with different interests whose intersection is a good and comfortable one. And I start wondering where it’s going, and I have impulses to just do something stupid that would end the relationship dead in its tracks, and I know that’s just insecurity talking, but it’s a whisper that I can’t seem to ignore.

That’s pretty lame, but I think sometimes that she spends an inordinate amount of her energy thinking some of the same things, and she gets equally insecure. And neither of us will really admit it, but that’s what is going on.

So there. I said it. In print, which was pretty cowardly, because I tell you that I’m not going to say anything in this journal that I won’t say to your face.

04-06-2003 10:37 PM
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Like Wildlife or Someone Else’s Pet

04-08-2003 05:00 PM
________________________________________
You’re Having the Time of My Life

I’m tired. I am glad that Syracuse won so that Roy Williams can come to Carolina. I heard he got terse. Go Roy.

I got CDs yesterday from Will Hines and El Jefe… I need to get cracking on some CD-making. Won’t happen until the weekend. Things have been running on all 8 cylinders the last few days. It’s been awesome, I wouldn’t have it any other way. They just need a few more hours each day for people to sleep.

Here’s former Devil Ray Jason Conti striking out. Or, about to. Yay Brewers. Hah.

04-09-2003 05:55 PM
________________________________________
Live ‘Til You Die

I just finished reading Alan Corey’s journal in its entirety. That is freaking awesome.

We have a second production meeting for LOBBY HERO tonight. I’m looking forward to it. I think sound design is one of those things that is so minor that it will be easy to be amazed at how the rest of the play progresses.

Met with Zach twice this week to discuss future DSI stuff, which has me very excited. Zach’s accelerated his timetable for returning to Chapel Hill, which would definitely make the improv going easier, because he has a killer head on his shoulders. I won’t be surprised if several people follow him back here, simply because he’s magnetic and people believe in him. Wouldn’t it be cool if NC ended up a destination for improvisers who love the work but don’t care so much for living in one of the three largest cities in the US?

04-10-2003 05:14 PM
________________________________________
She’s Just Dusted, Leave Her

I’m amused by the notion that Radiohead’s Kid A is about raping and killing babies. Jesus H., people can read anything into a text.

Of course, all the stuff in the Bible predicting that W. would need to end the threat of Saddam… that’s all there, no doubt in my mind.

04-14-2003 02:00 PM
________________________________________
Swimming in Bali

Friday afternoon, Zach and I went to look at a space where we could have some shows in Chapel Hill. It’s not perfect, it’s not awesome, it’s not even a theater, but it would be a great place for us to do the occasional midnight show and have a place for our classes to perform.

I to Heidi’s Friday night and was asleep by 10 PM. I slept 14 hours Friday, 10 Saturday, and 16 on Sunday. I don’t know if it was a cold, or the flu, or just allergies, but I felt awful. I had that thick head that just won’t let you focus for very long on anything. I did manage to mow my lawn Saturday, I accomplished exactly nothing on Sunday. Just after I woke up today, I coughed up a hunk of phlegm about the size of a golf ball and I’ve actually felt pretty good since then. But I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about that fucking golf ball.

Thank God for the game show network– no matter how bad you feel, you can always get by with some game shows. Heidi and I just sat on the couch watching Newlywed Game, Love Connection, Lingo, WinTuition, Whammy! (the new Press your Luck), and some other crap. It’s amazing how little show you get when you watch game shows. Not much ever really happens. WinTuition was the worst, by far. Heidi should be sainted for sitting through it all.

I’m amazed by how many commercials for non-fattening snack foods use the cliche of the person being so light that they are lifted off of the ground by a single helium balloon or a swift gust.

I am feeling superabundantly powerful.

04-15-2003 12:03 AM
________________________________________
Rah Rah Carolina-lina

04-18-2003 07:41 PM
________________________________________
Collectin’s Gettin’ to be a Drag

I have had the feeling all day that I was walking through the world while everyone else was frozen in time. I had every intention of going into work, but after not sleeping very much at all this week, I was out for 15 hours last night. Sleep seems to be coming in one of two flavors lately: too much or not enough. Never just 8 hours.

Scott and I premiere Two Horsemen tonight, which I am way stoked about. That great feeling is offset somewhat by apprehension about doing the show at ComedyWorx, a place that I increasing feel uncomfortable in, simply because in my heart, I feel like I have put it completely behind me.

Heidi is in South Carolina. Her grandfather, who has been fighting cancer, now has probably only a few weeks to live. Earlier in the week, I told her that if she needed to go down there, we could do that, and she said she didn’t think she would need to and that she would see him in May. Her mom told her last night that he might not make it that long. This is hard. There’s just nothing I can do to make anything feel better.

Her mom plans to teach her grandmother to write checks this weekend, so that she’ll be able to pay bills. She’s never had to handle money on her own. It’s a different kind of world, huh?

04-20-2003 11:42 PM
________________________________________
Nothing as it Seems

Two Horsemen was fucking great… for the four people that came to see it. There’s no apparent advertisement of any kind for the festival next week, despite my best pleas. Augh. Oh, well.

This weekend was bad movie weekend. Scott and I subjected ourselves to Black Hawk Down, which would have seemed like a very poor idea had The Recruit not made it seem slightly better. Heidi and I hit Daredevil tonight, which was the worst of the bunch.

Final report card:
Black Hawk Down: D
The Recruit: D+
Daredevil: F, but only because there is nothing lower.

I did mad yardwork this weekend, mulching around the trees, triming hedges, cutting some of the annoying low branches off of the trees in my yard, filling the big hole that I keep stepping in, seeding the area that just never seems to grow any nice grass.

04-21-2003 05:50 PM
________________________________________
Some Secret Plans I Need to Carry Out

Toba’s Revenge will have a substitute coach for a while when I’m teaching my next DSI level 1 class. That’s cool– they need some other perspectives, especially since the dating on the team is sorta tearing it apart. But I’ll miss them– I feel very close to that team’s well-being, and I don’t like to let them down at all.

Their new coach took a dig at paid coaching by sending them an e-mail that says:

“Also, just so it’s clear, I love improv, and it’s something I might be better at than most other stuff I do, but it’s not my job, so I would NOT want you guys to pay me anything for this. I understand you had a financial relationship with other coach(es), but I’d be helping you guys because your my friends and teammates, and I’d rather be invested in you guys than paid to look after you. Just a personal philosophy thing.”

So, memo to myself: Just because I value my time and the expensive training that I’ve gotten over the years doesn’t make me any less invested in my friends and teammates. I’m not in the wrong for charging for my time, because I am worth it. I’m a good coach and teacher.

I have to remind myself every so often.

It is cool that people want to coach improv for free, and that’s probably the trend in the area. No big deal. I don’t know why I feel bad charging sometimes. I just do.

04-22-2003 05:22 PM
________________________________________
I Don’t Want the World, I Just Want Your Half

Here’s what I want. It’s a simple list.

1. A positive community.

2. A sense that the community is accomplishing something new.

3. Excitement about the art.

4. Willingness to go ass-out and try it, yes-anding the ideas along the way.

5. Shitloads of fun.

Heidi got a job! I don’t know how I failed to mention this in the journal before now. But she did! She’s going to be working with the International Student Affairs dept at UNC… just across the parking lot from LEARN NC. We’re going to turn into one of those disgusting couples that rides to work together. Ha-HA!

I also neglected to mention that I refinanced the house. That’s keen– it’ll be 8 years before the Credit Union can even raise my rates back up to the level they were at three days ago. Go, 2-year ARM!

Sent an e-mail today to the folks in the first DSI level 1 class letting them know how to register for level 2, and already two of them have jumped right back in for another go-round. I’m not gonna get too excited about two people, but the fact that they committed within hours says good things. Exciting. I’m all pumped for improv right now. All pumped.

Billy Merritt, god bless you, dude.

04-30-2003 11:23 PM
________________________________________
Dollars and Cents, Pounds and Pence

I keep wanting to write in my journal, but never seem to have the time. Right now, I am in the sound booth at Deep Dish Theater in University Mall. (By the time you read this, I won’t be any more. But I guess that’s pretty obvious.) So I’m sneaking a few minutes for me while I wait for the next sound cue… it’ll be a while. Not much need for sound in this show— Kenneth Lonergan’s LOBBY HERO. Cool show.

So, a lot happening. The AC4 was last weekend. 7 shows in two days, the first shows at ComedyWorx where we’ve mixed longform with shortform. A bunch of great people rolling into town to hang out, drink beer, and do a little improvising. The skinny: Dual Exhaust is awesome and playing with them as “Team Chicago” made shortform fun again. Andre Meadows is the bomb, as Arnie Sykes or as the star of his form, Improvision. (Doing the Christopher Walken Children’s Network made me tingle!) Mesha and Ginger make me giggle, especially since they teamed up with Andre to play in anything they could. Toba’s Revenge got shanghai-ed but still did an awesome show and they heightened the hell out of their games. I loved it.

Zach and I spoke Friday with the woman who runs the Inside Scoop, and we are going to be doing shows there every Saturday night in May. Then we visited with Paul, who is the president of Deep Dish, and he’s down with us doing our next round of classes in the theater. So, two big victories for DSI in Chapel Hill. The Level 1 class that just finished plans to stay together— they are getting a practice group together for next Monday and have hired a coach already. Rocking. The next level 1 already has a handful of folks and I expect that we’ll see more in the next couple days.

Danielle got me on Friendster and I have spent way too much time on there, always in 1.5 minute chunks. Ridiculous.

Presented the Star Heels awards to eight deserving School of Educationites this morning. I was too lazy to think ahead about it, so I improvised some lame jokes while introducing the speakers, and people were generally amused— way more than anyone should have been. I hate when I do lame things because they’re easier and more pleasing to others than actually working on something more meaningful. But I still end up doing them. Sloth has a powerful pull sometimes.

03-03-2003 11:44 AM
________________________________________
Welcome to Paradise

Despite perpetual feelinsg of being totally exhausted, the last few days have pretty much rocked. Dirty South Improv Festival was this week, and while I had to miss more of the shows than I wanted to miss, I did get a chance to see some good groups, a great bat by the DSI instructors, and old friends.

I didn’t get to see WIT, which was a drag because I had a secret evaluative mission. In fact, I don’t think I ever met anyone in WIT at any point throughout the weekend.

I also didn’t end up coaching because I was supposed to work with the Haverford/Bryn Mawr group, but they took off early. So I slept in on Sunday, which I desperately needed. In the end, I felt like I got workshops and shows for free and all I had to do in exchange was show up for one catered lunch to get implosion! off the ground. That’s easy living right there.

I spent yesterday offline, recuperating from the whole thing. Heidi and I stayed in, watched Sopranos episodes and two movies (if you have not seen Orange County then you really should plan not to), did a fat lot of nothing.

Bryan has three fish in the 180,000,000,000 gallon fishtank. It looks funny. He has to go under the house and put a jack down there so that the floor won’t collapse. Awesome.

03-03-2003 06:00 PM
________________________________________
You Make Me Complete

Best quote of my day:

“I literally died and came back to life all in a second.”
–Matt Pack, on watching an awesome response to a scene inititation

I love it when people are pumped about improv. I’m pumped about improv. I put out another feeler for some people to come together as a longform team, and Zach and I talked implosion and DSI for about an hour. DSIF got me pumped. I want Chapel Hill, NC, to be an awesome improv mecca. And after this weekend, I believe it can be.

03-05-2003 06:06 PM
________________________________________
Dave’s Been a Mess Since Cheryl Left

OK, my best news (though I think there’s plenty) can be spelled with eight letters:
J-E-N-N-I-N-G-S.

Yup, Scott Jennings is coming into town. He’s slated to sit in for Billy Cockrock on the LEARN NC help desk for our show on Friday night, and he’ll be coaching the first meeting of the new longform practice group. I think he’s interested in making coaching down here a somewhat regular occurrence, which would be stellar. Super-awesome.

The group added an eighth member today– young Mr. Cochran himself is down for some work. He’s like me– dying for some direction. So, the roster as of today is: me, Cockrock, Jen O’Bryan, Lil G, CeCe Garcia, Olivia Henderson, Mike Gold, and Andrew Dunkle. A nice mix! Yay!

Insert more feelings of being super-pumped about improv, esp. as pertains to Chapel Hill.

Work has been amazingly busy. I guess that’s cool, though it’s cutting into my online social life, which is intolerable. Intolerable, I say! But it’s good, in that I feel like I’m doing a lot, and doing it well, and I’m generally pretty happy doing it. It makes me feel energized for silly things, like filming more of the Suburbanites, and playing a ComedySportz show Saturday night because it’s my favorite ten-year-old’s birthday and she asked if I would be there.

03-06-2003 04:52 PM
________________________________________
Fuck-All for Samples

I am so glad that my presentation on how to effectively present is over. I was going to beat the holy living shit out of someone if it didn’t get done soon.

Though I hated planning for it, I think that it was a big hit with the teachers who were there. I got more comments on that than I had on just about anything I’d ever done at one of those laem technology conferences. (I hate those things, because I feel like they just end up being 2-day social gatherings for higher-ups in schools, and they rarely come back with something they can implement and sustain.)

03-07-2003 06:10 PM
________________________________________
They Had a Good Start Under the King and Queen of Siam

Can Scott Jennings survive Mike Flanagan? We will find out tonight, when Jennings stoops to yelling, “GO WILD!” for the sake of a bit. Jennings: big, loud, committed, smart, but dispassionate about the game. Flanagan: big, loud, committed, smart, and completely passionate about the game. Should be fun. I’m super-excited, waiting for Scott to arrive now. If they wrestle, I got my $17 worth!

I had a presentation at 7-fucking-30 in the morning today. I can understand being at work that early, but Jesus, presentations at 7:30 are inhumane.

Go HELP DESK!

03-07-2003 06:17 PM
________________________________________
Drokk It!

Ack, double posted. DSL fluky. Poop.

03-09-2003 11:53 PM
________________________________________
Who’s Got the Brain of JFK?

Jennings is an evil freaking genius. His play in Friday night’s help desk show was masterful. His coaching was kick-ass. He was worried that he would be rusty. My ass. He was the ideal houseguest, a great person to bounce ideas off of, and a true gentleman the whole time, except when he was being evil.

I’m stoked. I feel like this is the beginning of a fantastic new phase for… something. The scene around here. I made a list tonight, Terry Jinn-style, of all the teams that have had a run at the ZYGOTE.

The Canes beat the Wild Friday night, making it two shutouts in two nights. And Carolina beat Dook, which seemed impossible this afternoon. Hope springs eternal.

03-10-2003 11:15 PM
________________________________________
So Many Days Just Staring at the Haze

I had a dream last night.

[dream] I am on the roof of a house, I think it is mine. I am re-doing the shingles, and as I take the shingles off, I find that the very top of the roof has separated, and the house is falling apart. I ask for a nail, and am handed one by some of the high school league kids from the ComedyWorx club. I put one nail in the highest point of the house, and am satisfied that this will fix the falling-apart house. It does not; the house continues to fall apart. I ask for five more, I nail them in, and the house is stable for a little while longer. But I know it will not last.

I climb a ladder downstairs and take a break, but I realize that I have to go back up to the roof– the house needs more repairing. I am about to climb the ladder when Philip Boyne tells me to climb the hill next to the house. I climb up a moss-covered hill that is as high as the roof, but when I get to the top, my foot digs into the hill, and I realize that it is a mountain of shit. I think it is a compost hill in truth, a recycling effort, but in my mind it registers only as shit. I yell down to the kids that it is a mountain of shit that they have sent me up, but they yell back that I need to stay up there; the house is falling apart and they expect me to fix it. [/dream]

I wake up at 7:36 AM and have to use the bathroom.

I will no longer seek to fix the house. I am ready to build a new one, even if it ends up like Dan Schwankl’s Chatham county hut; two stories but thin and muddy, the most that Chatham county will allow without a building permit.

03-31-2003 05:17 PM
________________________________________
Whatever You Do, Don’t Tell Anyone

*gasp for air*

I took a couple of weeks away from Before I Sputter Out. I had some things that I needed to say and I couldn’t put them in this journal. And that sucked. So I don’t know that it serves its initial purpose anymore. But it does have some purpose, I think. I’ve been feeling down today… and that seems to be happening during the day every so often.

A lot of it has to do with being mid-master-plan. I’d like to be at the end, which is to say that I am basically feeling lazy and I want improv utopia without doing the work. The truth is that I’d love to be doing the improv work, just not the shitwork.

So, what didn’t I chronicle?

Heidi and I went to NYC and didn’t enjoy ourselves. We didn’t do what either of us wanted to do and were so selfish that we each made the other miserable. It cast such a shadow that I didn’t get a chance to really enjoy the company of friends and of strangers.

I’m doing the sound design for the next play at Deep Dish Theater, Lobby Hero. The first production meeting was Thursday.

A bunch of people have cancelled on the AC4, all at the last minute. Tremendous stroke of bad luck; though we still have good people coming, a lot of the friends that I look forward to seeing at the even each year can’t come, and my enthusiasm for putting it together is severely diminished. I won’t be doing it again next year, which was a decision made in December but validated in the last few weeks.

I hired Jennifer O’Bryan to work on the Help Desk.

Scott Jennings is fucking amazing. And he is a fiend of the worst kind.

I’ve been working on implosion! a lot and started teaching a class for Dirty South. Zach and I talk all the time about ideas.

On the Spot had a show. I’m finding myself less motivated to coach them recently– I feel like they discard a lot of what I offer them, and while it’s certainly their perogative, I wonder if they shouldn’t just get another coach.

I feel a little lonely.