We know your iPhone is the greatest machine ever invented.  Thank you so much for posting about it in fifteen consecutive Twitter messages.  How do you say “unfollow”?

Seriously, Ladybug and I just had a conversation this week where we decided to buy iPhones when our Sprint contract is up in October.  They are nice machines.  But I swear to God, if I become one of those people whose every breath is spent in praise of Apple, I want you to shoot me in the face.