I’ve had the horrible feeling this evening that my domain name is about to expire, at which point I’m reasonably sure it would snapped up by pornographers. Then there would be lascivious pictures and videos of a man purporting to be Ross White, but who would, in fact, not be named Ross White. It would all be a clever trick by the makers of the pornography.

If you consider this a far-fetched, futuristic fiction, consider the case of HeidiWhite.com, a domain I have tried to buy for my beautiful wife several times only to be foiled.

In 2001, it was operated by a blonde actress who looked like she had been turned into a clone of Brigitte Nielsen, circa 1992. And, be still my heart, this Heidi White wrote poems. link

In 2002, the clone was replaced by a normal-looking girl who, unable to come up with a new logo or back-story, used the clone’s back-story as her own. Her poems, however, became much shorter, though no less trite. link

On August 8, 2003, the clone captured the normal-looking Heidi White and resumed control of the web page. link

Presumably drugged with clone-altering substances, the clone let the domain, and perhaps her own body, fall in the hands of pornographers. Follow this link to the Wayback Machine, and click on any of the 2004 links. You’ll be presented with a “you must be 18 to enter” page, following which you will see one of any number of porn sites. Presumably, if you were to pay these archived sites using some of your own archived funding, you could see shockingly graphic representations of the clone engaged in lewd acts. You might also find the normal-looking girl in some sort of bondage, since presumably the clone, having kidnapped her to resume control of the domain, and the pornographers who subsequently took control of both the clone and the site, would not have released her for fear that the site would once again change hands and the poetry featured therein would become even more trite.

In 2005, GoDaddy assumed control of the site, and neither the clone or the nice-looking girl were anywhere to be found. This was, I believe, the same year GoDaddy bought Super Bowl airtime and filled it with boobies. So we’ll assume they were in cahoots with the pornographers. link

It appears that clip art took over the site in 2006. link

Finally, in 2007, GoDaddy once again took control of the site, and the clip art was vanquished to 1992, where presumably, it will send a clone of Brigitte Nielsen forward into the future to purchase the most important domain in the history of mankind: HeidiWhite.com. link

Jeez, by the time I’d finished mapping out that horrific sequence of events, I finally found my login for my registrar, and discovered that BullCityPress.com was set to expire in 20 days. Thankfully, I caught it in time, so you won’t find surprising bull-porn at your favorite press web site for the next 5 years.