My curious talent is that I can make babies cry. My mere presence is incentive to wail. Mothers, so adept at dirty looks already, perfect their own abilities to transmit venom through the air when I am introduced. This is just the most recent talent I have discovered, but there have been others: I can stain a window by looking through it too long, I can wilt deli meats by lingering too long before biting into a sandwich, I can misconstrue anyone’s words into a personal attack. I’ve also displayed a natural knack for killing off hamsters and gerbils when they are in my care, though this can usually be explained by my reluctance to be asked to care for them again.