Bah. Late afternoons really suck. I guess this is because any bad news received during the day just has time to stew in my head. Or, my mind wanders and I think about the things that I’m not doing or incapable of doing.

A co-worker told me a few months ago that I was much less fun now than when he had started working here. That’s true. I am a LOT less fun than I used to be. I wonder why my outlook on life has gone from awesome to muddy?

One reason is that the art form I truly love– improv– hasn’t been as satisfying as it used to be. I feel like maybe I’ve explored it to the best of my ability, and I’m really happy to be moving on to poetry. But I haven’t fully subsumed myself with the study of poetry, which is probably something I need to do soon. I’m having some trouble letting go of improv– I feel like I worked so hard to build the DSI Theater that I don’t want to walk away from it cleanly. I want to keep an eye on things. Which means that my eye is somewhere other than poetry.

Seriously, if I put 1/4 of the energy into poetry that I put into improv for the last ten years, I’d probably find it intensely more fulfilling. You get back what you put in, in so many cases.

Still, it’s germinating. After three months of feeling some sense of stasis, or even feeling that I was moving in the wrong direction as a person, I’d like to move forward. And I think some changes will be necessary– in where I choose to devote my brainpower, how I choose to find community, and how I choose to interact with the world around me.

I feel like I should take the chance to say in print one more time how much I love my wife. I’d say that even if everyone was reading. She is the best friend I have ever had, the best reason to get up in the morning, the best reason to come to bed in the evening. I’m not always the husband I would like to be, but maybe that’s something else I need to work on as I figure out what’s important again.

So, it’s done. I’ve taken the blog down from RossWhite.com for a while, so that I can get away from people. Not all people, but enough people. I’d imagine that I’d be better off writing in the old pen-and-paper journal, since the blog has always been more for me than for anyone else, but I can’t get down with paper.

It’s Cinco de Mustache. I look gross today.