As promised… I’m blogging all through the Super Bowl. So, refresh your browsers every few minutes for in-depth analysis of what’s happening in and around the game:

• 6:28 PM: Isn’t it great that they got three past presidents to the game… George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Michael Douglas?

• 6:30 PM: Andy Reid: “I hope those planes overhead belong to us…”
• 6:35 PM: How patronizing is it that the Patriots are rubbing the head of the kid who was tossing the coin? And what is the deal with all the cross-team hugs at the toss? I want COMBAT, people!
• 6:40 PM: Our first commercial of the game… and it’s Bud Light’s “skydiving spot.” Looking good, and then followed by the most BORING spot in Super Bowl history… contact lenses.
• 6:52 PM: Several days after being called a “genius” by ESPN (in a story whose graphic displayed him side by side with Einstein), Bill Belichik returns to the wrong bench. It’s clear that this man’s intellect is unparalleled.
• 7:02 PM: The GoDaddy spot where the silicon-laden chick has a wardrobe malfunction is pretty hot, huh? I mean, I REALLY THOUGHT her top might come off!
• 7:07 PM: Is Andy Reid ordering out with that thing in his hands? Because, I swear I saw “cheeseburger” listed on his laminated “playbook.”
• 7:10 PM: My early prediction… the Eagles are certain to win. Already, officiating has gotten them through three rough spots– a fumble, an interception in the end zone, and TO’s insistence that Nicolette Sheridan should be allowed on the field with the rest of the Eagles’ captains.
• 7:12 PM: Um, forget about the officials helping out with the interceptions near the end zones. Rodney Harrison may be injured, but he probably hurt himself laughing at how easy it was to pick off two passes in a row.
• 7:32 PM: Aside from one decent catch and a funny commercial with Burt Reynolds and a bear, nothing remotely intersting has happened in 20 minutes. Good times.
• 7:33 PM: Eagles touchdown. Still, see entry for 7:32 PM.
• 7:38 PM: Is the inaction figure guy being jerked off by his inaction figure mother?
• 7:45 PM: Bill Belichik must be endorse by Sure, because he keeps his hands raised behind his head, and there’s not a sweat stain in sight. Smooth.
• 7:48 PM: After Jevon Kearse dry-humped Tom Brady, Darwin Walker did a nice job of being 20 yards away from the pile-up before the refs noticed that he had the ball and had already begun celebrating.
• 7:58 PM: Dennis Rodman scrubbing himself down in the tub is a sight that is going to haunt me for quite some time.
• 8:00 PM: Pats WR David Givens catches a touchdown in his fifth straight playoff game, and in his celebration, attempts to turn himself into a swan and fly away. Failing, he tries to make it look like he was just flexing.
• 8:10 PM: It’s halftime. I will abstain from blogging through halftime, for fear that I will say something snarky about Paul McCartney’s jowls.
• 8:11 PM: I lied. BEN FUCKING MOSER was on the local Fox 50 spots. As a hilarious metal singer.
• 8:22 PM: Oh my God! Paul McCartney just showed a tit!
• 8:50 PM: I have a craving for some Tabasco.
• 8:54 PM: It’s funny, you can see Terrell Owens flinch every time he’s about to be tackled by the guy who has “Gay” written across the back of his unform. That’s his name, T.O.
• 9:13 PM: Great commercial in which Kid Rock is shrunk to the size of his penis.
• 9:16 PM: Whoa, when did it get to be 14-14?
• 9:46 PM: Donovan McNabb tosses another one to the guys in white, and I declare the game officially over. I declared it officially boring about 20 minutes ago, but now the clock-milking begins.
• 9:49 PM: Is Cris Collinsworth trying to show off his pants, or his manhood?
• 10:03 PM: 1:48 left and it’s now a three-point game. Now, we get into my favorite part of every Super Bowl– the final two minutes. Because usually teams score like 13 times in the last two minutes, which is funny, because they don’t do jack for the first 58 minutes. I’m still going with my official declaration of game over, Pats win, but at least we can see the last embers of hope snuffed out in the Eagles’ eyes.
• 10:12 PM: Please don’t tie this game up in regulation. Either win it or lose it. I have to drive 45 minutes to get home.
• 10:15 PM: Game over. But what is the deal with the “I’m a swan” thing?

Good times, good times. I’m going home.